i don't have parental supervision. i'm gonna start accepting candy from strangers now.
I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
Randomize
