i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
This is so fucking sad. Netherlands isn't even a real country.
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
shes still here... layin in my bed watching a beyonce concert on tv drinking leftover franzia straight outta the bag and crying
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
Randomize
