Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
She made me role-play everything from an older prof to a in-patient in need of a medical exam. Yay for cocaine.
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
Congratulations, your dick has been selected to participate in my birthday sex. Please reply with a response.
Do I have a choice?
I am sorry, you're response was not recognized. Please try again.
The house hit rave levels when La Bamba came on which confuses me because I live in white suburban Canada
PARA BAILAR LA BAMBA ASSHOLES
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
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