What a fucking waste of an outfit
Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
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I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
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Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
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