She told me she got a 15 on her A.C.T.. that's when I knew it was a done deal.
i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
No I am not eating basil off your cock
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
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