some 7 year old just told me his favorite rapper was eminem and kim got what she deserved...god damn today's youth is in a dark period
He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
We have 10 gallons of home brew. And james has an amazonian blow dart weapon that sticks in bags and the wall. Come over
Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
Yep. It's going to be us, strippers, and drag queens.
A glittery, gay, heavily makeuped, scantily dressed clusterfuck.
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
what i'd really like is a nice helping of naked boyfriend with a side of naked boyfriend.
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
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