if you're gona send my txt to that site at least change my area code plz
I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
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