I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
I have pink band-aids all over my body, WHAT HAPPENED?
Keg backpack and a Bike
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
Dude this weed has me so paranoid.
Yeah tell me about it I just screamed after I coughed because my own cough scared me.
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
Randomize
