3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
i think that after ALREADY drinking that much, the tube shots may have been a bad idea.. i mean afterall, i did wake up and find my cell phone IN the bonfire the next morning.
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
Randomize
