forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
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Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
Of the past 48 hours, 46 of them have been spent naked. I'd say it's been a good two days.
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Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
Kinda suprised you didn't immediately ask about the lesbian ghosts tho
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
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