Did you hit it?
Turns out she was a he. but to answer your question, yes.
he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
We're knee deep in HJ's right now.
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
Randomize
