I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
is it possible for your nipples to fall off? if so mine might. they hurt so bad...
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
I heard a loud ass thump and then I saw both dogs coming around the corner.... Without him. I went to check out what happened and the dogs apparently pulled him down onto his face, knocking him out.
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
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