It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
I'm watching porn in spanish. Thats studying right?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
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