It's Friday. Sex?
I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
STOP SENDING ME NAKED PICTURES WHEN I'M TRYING TO TEACH. MONDAY TUESDAY 1-3 IS A DICK AND ARSE FREE ZONE
Randomize
