We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!!
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
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