My liver just broke up with me...
Ok so the guy below me is either having sex very loudly or is very lonely
dude there is absolutely no room for a slide in our room
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous.
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
I can feel the shame as I walk down your hallway.. good night
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
Randomize
