I'm already going to be stripping so like pretty much you would just be watching me. Also we're watching twilight. again.
And now we're talking about squeezing babies out of vaginas...
Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
if this uncomfortable exchange we're having is you trying to flirt with me i suggest you stop it before someone gets hurt
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
HIGH AS FUCK. JUST WATCHED THE TRIPPIEST VIDEO EVER. IM NOT SCARED OF PANDAS. I GOTTA GO. TRIPPIN AGAIN
Randomize
