the pool opens at 11. by 1115 the ambulance had been called.
I really wanna talk..
if by talk you mean have nasty makeup sex involving marshmellow fluff.. I'm down
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
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