end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
Hardly remember what he looks like and the man has seen me passed out spread eagle. I begin this journey with such a disadvantage.
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
Cheez-its and a bottle of cab...for under $10 you could win this girls heart
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
I mean, it's a romantic picture of pubes if I've ever seen one
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