We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
Randomize
