i hope thats the last time i ever see ryan's hairy ass fucking
I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
if youre gonna throw up it might as well taste like christmas :S
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
Randomize
