My grandmother just called to say she disowned me. Apparently I uploaded a video to Youtube of me dancing nude with a blow-up doll named Dorothy, last night. You are so fired from being damage control.
everytime i listen to a chris brown song and like it i feel like i bad person
McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?
All of them
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
It was easier that asking where the vagina platter is.
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
I think he fucked my hip out of place.
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
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