This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
i dont think duct tape can fix my g spot
lets call myth busters
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.
just puked a little into my hand/sleeve. way too hungover for the first day of class
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
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