I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
Are they hot? And are the slutty? These are my concerns for any wedding. You say yes, and yes, I will be your best man
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
BGSU move in weekend. Just passed a house w a beer pong table set up, ppl already playing, girls holding signs that say "son drop off". It's 10:30 am.
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
Randomize
