hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
I told him he had to put his dick inside of me at approx 1159 to ensure it was birthday sex. i was 19 when he entered me.. came out 20. winning.
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
Come on in and take your pants off
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