today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
I hope you get your threesome on vday. I'll probably get flowers and a candlelit dinner. trade you. I wish this guy was more of a slut and had less of a heart. I would like 2 dicks please fuck your flowers!
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
sending my old camp counselor nudes. childhood memory win or new low?
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