Yeah, i don't remember peeing. or meeting the girl.
i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
Randomize
