Whssdazt areerg yiu up to? U thijk ur lame!
read your last text- its a foreign language-im not ignoring you, easyyy
so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
Remember that St. Patrick's Day when I fucked your married coworker in his truck and the whole bar was chanting for you "Don't fuck Mike"?! #TheLuckOfTheIrish 🍀
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
suburban family judging/laughing at us after Jenna just pulled two flasks out of her boot on the subway
Randomize
