do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
I don't know. The next thing I remember we were in the walmart parking lot making out.
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
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