I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
I got head to The Nanny. Officially gay.
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
I enjoy the company of your penis
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
Randomize
