My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
I just literally had a dance party in my closet. I've never been this blazed.
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
Randomize
