Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
I think my ph in my vagina is actually off from the lack of sex I've had this break compared to finals week.
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
WE ARE DOING DRUGS AND GOING TO THE STRIP CLUB SATURDAY LADIES
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
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