Your favorite bartender is back from prision
Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
Randomize
