Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
All three roommates are gay and in women's studies. Ive already been informed that all penetration is rape. This is not the college experience I signed up for.
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
I'm fine with our borderline lesbian behavior.
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
Randomize
