he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
you are the only girl i know that would bring a plate of cookies to a hook up. but they were awesome. thanks. next time cupcakes?
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
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