Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
Also I smoked away my sore throat last night. It's a 420 miracle.
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
My prof handed me back my essay on Lesbians in literature, gave me an A and then we had sex in her office. Told you she was gay.
Randomize
