I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
We tried having a conversation with our noses.
New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
And then he peed in my hair
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