well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
There's a drag queen here that reminds me strongly of you. You should try crossdressing.
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
He came inside and met my grandmother after we had sex in the driveway. I love that he has a van.
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
Randomize
