I can't watch pbs sober anymore
Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
Hypothetical question: If a guy wanted to watch you fuck me, would you be willing to take a long lunch break on Wednesday?
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
A Bum and I jusst hugged. its not even 8 pm.
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
Randomize
