im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
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