This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
Randomize
