they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome.
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
Randomize
