I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
Is it just me, or does Colt McCoy look like Herbie the Dentist from "Rudolph the Red-nosed Reindeer"?
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
When I say rough sex, and show you scars from past encounters, pulling my hair a little IS NOT GOING TO CUT IT. And he just doesn't understand.
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I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
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I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
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