Ross. Joey. Chandler. Who would you do?
my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
get over here now. the boys are doing shots of everclear, chasing with monster, and some dude jsut walked in with a backpack full of tattoo gear.
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
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