Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
is asking a girl out on a date while in another girls bed in poor taste?
good, we got high then went swimming. shelly forgot to keep swimming so we tied her to the ladder in the shallow part with her bikini top.
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
They were so huge my eyes were just drawn to them. Boob gravity man.
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
I'm way too hungover for life right now
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
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