none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
Is there anything medically wrong with drinking beer from a vagina?
How did the beer even get there in the first place?
That's not what's important right now
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
Randomize
