So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
Dont care what i do tnt just as long as i get to chug a beer in somebodys face
Please brint me miilk. I am on the floor but my door is open. Thank you, i appreciate u verry much.
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
Randomize
