I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened.
We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
Sunburnt clitoris. How do I deal with it.
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
Oh that could end badly if you get them mixed up.. you know who I think you should focus on?? THE ONE WITH THE BIG BLACK COCK, just sayin
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
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