i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
Randomize