I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
I'm at a crab and wine festival with my dad. He just introduced me as his girlfriend to all of his co-workers. I am so drunk I thought he was serious.
hahaha he is wasted in math class right now and is drawing all the planets in order from the sun
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
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