I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
Already puke and ralleyd and dressed like a bear.
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
I ate you ate to the whole david gray album
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
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