So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
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I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
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Cute underage boy is in my house.
OH MY GOD. DON'T DO ANYTHING. WHY IS HE IN YOUR HOUSE.
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
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