I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
Randomize
