Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
I'm at the bass pro shop. They have a river full of trout and turtles, a shooting range, a full bar, and the patriots cheerleaders are here. I now understand why people are rednecks. I may never leave
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
Is it wrong to want to use the Dark Web to buy Vyvance for legitimate purposes?
Randomize
