Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
Randomize
