you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
never thought i'd see a ''climb of shame'' until she came down from the attic in front of the whole party..
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
On a side note I think I burnt my eyebrow when we "teter-totered" into the fire
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
I liked a picture of him with his pants around his ankles, if that doesn't say I'm into you, I don't know what does.
Well that's the thing. He does want to take me out... To a strip club. I see this going down a very bad road but you know I'm going to go.
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
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