Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
Randomize
