I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
there isn't one for "I'll give you an I'm sorry blowjob" but that's also an option you have. in the meantime here is an emoticon of a caterpillar
Rush week is fine, only the t-shirts are white and if it rains, the frat boys in their lawn chairs will be treated to 800 freshmen girls in their first wet tshirt contest.
Welcome to college.
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
she used her teeth again, but this time it was out of love
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
Randomize
