I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
Randomize
