based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
Please explain to me what this has to do with my fantasy to fuck larry king?
dude that girl has seen more cock ends then weekends
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I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
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Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
Randomize