So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
I know its been a few months but you must know you hve the 2nd biggest dick I've ever seen. 1st place went to a rapper so don't feel bad.
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
He texted back and said he would hook up if he didn't have a test at 8am. It's really hard to be annoyed by how good of a student he is.
Yeah that sucks. That's why I stick to deadbeat sports management majors.
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
Randomize
