Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
I believe in your delicious
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
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