I puked a lego.
why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten.
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
Randomize
