you could tell him that chauvinism doesn't go very well with his gay homemade tank top
So gin and wine won't be happening again
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
You made a list of reasons why you should be on fear factor. You came up with 2 reasons: "I like fear" and "I am fear"
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
I’m 37 with a career and a home and yesterday my niece set up Snapchat so I can sext with my 22 year old boyfriend/fuck buddy. Yes. Yes I’d say I need help?
Randomize
