Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
Is moral bankruptcy something you need to file for?
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
seriously considering getting an electric blanket rather than sleeping with guys this winter for warmth.
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
Randomize
