R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
i used the pictures of vaginas in your biology book to jack off.
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
Randomize
