when im bored during the day i often think, what do people who dont get high do with their day.. i came to the conlcusion that everyone must be getting high
I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
ah lol cocaine is strange when I dose I feel like an elephant running through a grocery store
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
Randomize
