Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
the fact that we had sex in the dining hall makes it seem so much more like home.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Any chance you used one if the curtain rods in the fireplace room as a sword? One is missing
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
I need to align my fucking chakras
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
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