you lied. pity sex is amazing.
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
She got a text from her mom saying "you better not sleep with him, we all know how he is". IV ONLY BEEN HERE A WEEK
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
we found him. outside on the balcony, sitting on a bucket, with his pants off, swearing he was'nt taking a dump
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
Glow Paint looked great for the Black Light Party last night, Tonight having a glow in the dark Pizza on my arm, not so much.
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
Randomize
