In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
He waved at a guy who drove by while we were having sex in the back of a rental car in a hospital parking garage prior to visiting family. Almost made me feel guilty but I liked it too much.
So apparently I’m into choking now
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