I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
And my dad told him he was a great looking guy. and then added "no homo" after.
feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
Did you just see the Batmobile???
stayed up until 6am doing my presentation on buddhist art and the practice of chanting. took shots. did drugs. the powerpoint now includes a sesame street style game (with chicken/puppy clip art), an xzibit music video (and quotes about section eight and eating steaks), and a reference to a german metal band (universe). this is going to be the best presentation ever
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
You let the ASEXUAL teach sex Ed?!
Randomize
