At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
We're Scorpios. We're like dogs rolling in whatever smells good to us.
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
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