does he have a tent? the camping kind not the boner kind.
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie
I dont think yelling "Grab your dicks, time for pics!" helped your case either.
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
we just talked about our morning and what we were doing for the day and he handed me the addies and i took $50 out of my bra in front of a bunch of frat guys. so the mornings going really well
SORRY FOR THE CAPS. I DIDNT CHANGE IT IN TIME AND ITS TOO FAR TO GO BACK NOW. PS IM SUPER BAKED
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
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