After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
She said to delete the bj video, but I accidentally hit the 'send to her bf' button. My bad
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
He came over and watched the USA game with me, fucked me so good my toe cramped, then made my bed this morning before he left. Thank God for Army rangers
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
There will be bowls smoken and not a single fuck will be given.
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