wooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
ooooooooooooo i'm drink
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
There was a community pot of Ramen, and if you were in the pool you were either fully clothes or ass naked.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
HOW DO I ALWAS FIND THEM?! THERE WAS BE A SOCIETY OF SMALL PENISED MEN AND I MUST BELONG TO IT!
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
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