The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
i just made my gag reflex go away.
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
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